In my articles and my book, Powerful Project Leadership, I emphasize the importance of working on one's self as a way of increasing leadership effectiveness. High self-esteem is a goal of this work because when our self-esteem is high we can be more resilient and creative project leaders. In this article I offer you a workout for your self-esteem. For this workout you will need some tools and a couple of friends--one to act as a support person and one to act as a coach.

Self-Esteem Workout Tools
You already have inside you the tools you will need for your workout--you were born with them. You may have forgotten or misplaced them or perhaps you were never properly introduced to them. You can't buy them at any sports or fitness center. These tools are adapted from Virginia Satir's Self Esteem Maintenance Kit (The Satir Model, Family Therapy and Beyond, Virginia Satir, John Banmen, Jane Gerber, and Maria Gomori, Palo Alto, CA: Science and Behavior Books, Inc.) The feelings tool was added later by Jean McLendon, who worked closely with Virginia Satir for many years.

Here are the tools you will need for your workout:

Courage. Your courage empowers you to take action even when you know there will be difficulties.

Wisdom. Your wisdom is your deepest knowing about what fits for you. For some it's that small voice inside that tries to give guidance.

Curiosity. Use your curiosity to open any door and check out new possibilities. Follow your curiosity into the unknown.

Investigation. Use this tool to investigate and explore without judging whenever there is a puzzle, a question, or an effort to understand. With this tool you can ask the unaskable and speak the unspeakable in your search for truth.

Choices. Use this tool to keep you strong in your integrity by saying your real yes and your real no.

Wishes and Hopes. Your wishes and hopes can give you motivation.

Feelings. Feelings are information about what is happening inside of you. Your feelings are what enable you to make a heart connection with another person, should you choose to do that.

Warm-up
A proper workout begins with a warm-up. Sit with two friends to form a triad. One of you begin by telling a story about a peak project experience in your professional life. Give as much detail as you can. For example, explain what the situation was, how you used yourself in a positive way, what the outcome was, how you felt about the outcome, and how you felt about using yourself in such a positive way.

When you are finished telling your story ask your friends to help you discuss in retrospect which of the self-esteem tools might have been at work during your peak experience. How might each tool have contributed to your peak experience? When the tools discussion is finished, move on to the next person and repeat the process until all three people have told a story and discussed the tools. Allow 20 minutes minimum per person for this warm-up. Take more time if necessary to get through all three stories.

Main Exercise
For this exercise continue with your triad. One of you will be the star. Another will be a support (like a spotter in gymnastic exercises.) The third person will be the coach. Here are the duties of each:

Star: Describe a current project situation to your support person and your coach that is challenging you (i.e., giving your fits.) If it helps describe the situation, draw a picture as you talk. Negotiate the support you want with your support person. Respond to questions from your coach as authentically as you can.

Support: Support the star in any way that fits for you and the star. Ask the star to tell you how he or she wants to be supported. For example, the star may want you to just sit nearby quietly. Or the star may want you to offer suggestions or ask clarifying questions (either solicited or unsolicited). Negotiate your role with the star.

Coach: After the star has described the current situation and you have had a chance to clarify your understanding of the project situation, offer each tool one at a time, asking two questions:

1. What does this tool offer you?
2. What message are you receiving from this tool?

Wayne Strider is cofounder and vice president of Strider & Cline, Inc., an IT management consulting firm based in Kansas City, Missouri. He can be reached at waynestrider@worldnet.att.net. His website is www.striderandcline.com.
© Copyright 2002 Wayne Strider